Surrender To Your Story
I write, speak and live by the idea that our stories strengthen us and our connection to others. I encourage people to be the owners of their story and therefore, owners of their destiny. I believe our stories are our superpower and that they have the power to transform people and communities. Despite my belief in our ability to take hold of our stories and run with them, I’ve spent the last couple months working on how to surrender to my story.
Surrendering to what is. Accepting “this is the way things are right now.” Giving up control. Not forcing a path. Doing nothing but observing my feelings and trying to glean meaning and understanding from life as it happens around me. This is the story I’m working on right now. “Surrender is the way to peace,” my healer and therapist tells me.
All my life I’ve tried to maintain control–over thoughts, feelings and outcomes.As I was learning to honor the strength in my story and use it as a tool for growth, I had to learn that it was only one version of the truth. I learned that the people in my life have entirely different perceptions of truth, their own narratives and meaning they held onto from their side of our shared experiences. I had to learn I can’t control how others understand my story. I learned to loosen the reins on control.
But surrender is bigger than that.
Complete abandonment of control into a free fall through my thoughts, feelings and outcomes–a full surrender to what is without grabbing hold of anything on the way through it all–that is new for me. And it’s one of the toughest life lessons to date. But if that is the way to peace, then that is the path I am choosing to explore. I take some small comfort in knowing that I can actually maintain control by making this my choice.
“In every moment we can choose peace or chaos and trauma,” says my wise healer.
I choose peace. I am trying to, anyway. And I’m observing the struggle that sometimes comes up for me as I let go of control and surrender to what is with acceptance.
So how do you surrender to your story and find peace in the narrative you’re living in? I think the answer is part perspective, part intention and part action.
Perspective
Let go of the illusion of control. Tell yourself the only thing you can control is your response to the world. I write, recite mentally and tell myself outloud, “This is the way things are right now.” The multi-sensory reminder helps turn this mantra into a belief that then informs thoughts, feelings and actions–as beliefs will do. Reciting before believing is a helpful way to work that into my story. This is your story. It is what it is.
Intention
Choose peace. With that intention, you give yourself all the control you can have in a situation where you have no choice but to surrender to what is. By making peace your ultimate goal and more important than chaos and trauma, you give yourself choice in a choiceless situation. Same stimulus, different outcomes you hope to reach. It makes the surrendering more palatable and something you can embrace.
Action
For me, this is very physical. I notice a stance or a fight in my physical being when I’m trying to navigate a tough situation. Surrendering to what is has to be mental, but I also know I have to physically give up the fight in my body. The tensing in my torso. The clenching in my jaw. The readiness and alert mode that permeates my system when I’m navigating life’s challenges. To help me fully surrender to what is, I imagine I am a leaf caught in a spider’s thread, and tethered against my will but still floating in the air.
Our stories are not always a sensical sequence of events. They force us to let go of that illusion. Yes, our stories are our superpower, but not just because they reveal our strength and resilience and help us understand meaning in our lives. They are our superpower, too, because they challenge us to accept our small selves and our humanity, our connection to others and accept that by surrendering to our stories, we are actually allowing ourselves to grow in transformative ways.
